Tuesday, November 20, 2012

What Do (Heterosexual) Women Want?

Freud's biographer quotes Freud as saying, "The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'"

Here's my response to Freud, in a poem:


Every girl needs two things:  
Security Man and Adventure Boy - 
with Security Man she’s round and achy
with Adventure Boy she’s lithe and cheeky
she can wrap him up between her thighs
and squeeze.

Security Man works hard for her
and loves her almost as much as his work
maybe more
because what’s the point of work without her
at home

for Adventure Boy
to visit.

Security Man buys her a house
Adventure Boy buys her nothing
who does she love?

Every girl needs two things:
security man insecurity man
adventure boy misadventure boy

With Security Man she sleeps all night
needs to sleep and work and write

With Adventure Boy she’s up till dawn
laughing and talking until he’s gone

Security Man is funny and smart
and warm and loving and in her heart

Adventure Boy jokes and rants
is warm and loving and in her pants

Every girl needs two things:
Security Man and Adventure Boy
They are never wrapped in the same package.

The family loves Security Man
they’ve been waiting all her life
hoping she would meet him.

She doesn’t introduce Adventure Boy.

Security Man is distracted
Adventure Boy is engaged

With Security Man she plans - 
vacations, season’s tickets
Security Man marinates

Adventure Boy gyrates
Adventure Boy is all here & now
No future
not even tomorrow really for sure

Every girl needs two things.
but what does Adventure Boy need?

he doesn’t want to be on call
and shows up late or not at all.


  1. Oooo! I remember this poem. I'd call it a classic. And me? I'd say I'm yet again nestling into a Security Man spot, and for the current: enjoying it!

  2. The mating strategies of the homo sapien female are peculiar indeed.