Friday, April 12, 2013

Have You Been Blessed Lately?

I was recently at a birthday party for my childhood friend, Nancy.  When she was 30,  she was snagged by religion.  It probably saved her life.  She became an evangelical singer.  All her friends are evangelicals, and every single person at this party, except me, was an evangelical.
My friend, the birthday girl, asked everyone to stand up one at a time and introduce themselves to the group.  One woman said this, "I first met Nancy when she was singing at the Christian Fellowship event at the Marquis Gardens Banquet Hall.  It was so God.  People were overcome with the spirit and fainting.  The waiters were wondering if they should call an ambulance.  One guy must have had an angel on his shoulder.  He was swaying and dancing with the spirit - his eyes closed -- and somehow didn't trip over any of the bodies."

I came out as an atheist to the people at my table.
"Being an atheist must be so hard," one said.
"Because you have no one to pray to."
I nodded sadly.

A few days earlier I was in a woman's washroom at the Charlotte, NC, airport. This washroom had a large jolly greeter with a very loud voice: "GOOD AFTERNOON, WELCOME TO CHARLOTTE.  HAVE A GOD-BLESSING DAY. GOD BLESS, BE SAFE GIRLS, GOD BLESS, GOD BLESS, GOD BLESS, LADIES ONCE AGAIN, GOD BLESS.  GOD BLESS, GOD BLESS, GOD BLESS GIRLS, HAVE A GOD-BLESSING DAY."  I'm not really sure what else she did besides bless people or perhaps watch their luggage while they went in a cubicle (where I hid from her booming voice and scribbled down her words verbatim).  As I was leaving, I noticed her tip jar and stuffed in a dollar. She then blessed me a few more times. Clearly this godly marketing tool was working.

Maybe I'm becoming more tolerant.  One Sunday morning some years ago, I was on a bus travelling from Hamilton to Toronto, normally a 50-minute trip.  A woman stood up at the front of the bus and began preaching, entreating us to repent and accept Jesus.  I yelled, "Driver, can we have some quiet."  The bus driver asked the woman to sit down, but she kept preaching, mentioning also that the unrepentant woman (me) would surely face God's wrath.  The driver pulled off the highway to a police station.

The officers came on board and escorted the woman off.  I hope she had a God-blessing day.  This added at least 20 minutes to our trip and I had to face the wrath of the other passengers.  The bus driver said that she preached on the bus every week.  Sometimes passengers slept through it.  Sometimes they resented being a captive audience.  In those cases, he turned her over to the police.

What would you do?  Sit back and repent or loudly protest?


  1. If they come to your door kick the books out of their hands and tell them to, "Fuck off, just fuck right off," then laugh, then slam the door in their faces.

    On the street, ask them if they are from a body rub parlour then before they can answer tell them that a) "just what do you think I am, some sort of queer?" or b) "you think I would let somebody that looks like you, touch me?" or c) "you could make a lot more money going full service".

    Finally, if they don't bother you don't bother them (beyond walking way around them as though they had a communicable disease, staring all the while).

    I, myself, always make sure to carry some Scientology pamphlets and a copy of Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health with me. Fight fire with fire.

  2. In my situation, I most likely would just keep still and listen to her. She has the right to say what she likes provided it does not harm others and most likely her intentions are very good. I certainly would not agree with her method though.

    In this, our beloved Canada, we have the right to have our own religions and practice them freely.

    from Wilma
    I personally do not go for her style of "sharing" but to each his own. You had a very interesting experience there Lil. Each person holds their religion to their hearts and their lives should reflect their core beliefs in my opinion.

    1. Standing in front of a captured audience on a bus is not practicing her "free speech" -- it's taking advantage of people unable to leave so they're forced to endure you. This is the height of disrespect.

  3. Ron Kasman wrote: "If they come to your door kick the books out of their hands... then laugh, then slam the door in their faces."

    Never had any Jehova Witness, Latter Day Saints or any of the other witnessing relgions be anything but courteous when they come to the door.

    Can't imagine what could lead to such anger and abuse. Sad.