Sunday, September 2, 2012

How Do You Know When You've Hit Bottom?

The phrase goes, "When you hit bottom, there's nowhere to go but up."

Maybe - but I sure wouldn't count on it.  Meanwhile, bottom might be a moving target.

I was once in a relationship with a man who had violent outbursts.  I had been planning and planning to move out, but I couldn't just then.  I had left several times before,  but, as lame as it sounds, that day, month, year, I was too busy.  I had just been hired full time, I had a pre-schooler to look after, and a lot of other excuses.

After a major glass-smashing binge, I fled with my baby and stayed the night with friends.  

All my projects, teaching materials, and life files were organized on shelves in my office.  The shelves were built by a friend of mine and covered an entire wall.  I would have been teaching at least five courses that term.  Each course had its own shelf for course books, marking, notes, and more.

I left that night, but the thing is this:  after taking my daughter to day care the next morning, I would have gone back.  This was not going to be my great escape.  However, when I got back to the house, the entire bookshelf had been dismantled and all my papers were thrown around the room.  There was nothing to go back to.  I finally and absolutely left.

My conclusion is this:  You never hit bottom, but if you're lucky, the bottom will come up and kick your ass out the door.

What about you?  Where was your bottom?

1 comment:

  1. How do I know if it have hit bottom? This blog especially got to me - you are absolutely right - bottom is a moving target. How to identify it/them? I think any bottom (there are many) probably contains inflexibility, stuckness, lack of motion. So you are right - we should be grateful when the world is in motion even when we are not. For Plato, the immortal is unchanging, but the mortal is essentially changing. When we stop changing, we are not true to our own essence. Maybe that is hitting bottom - we come to rest, like silt in still water. We need to stir things up!