Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Should My Boyfriend Move in with Me?

I love men.  I even live with one.  My answer below is in no way indicative of an anti-male bias.

I was recently asked this question by a female friend.  She's in her 30s and employed.    Rather than give her a direct answer, I asked value-clarifying questions so she could come to her own conclusions.   I will, however, give a direct answer here:

Should I let my boyfriend move into my apartment?
PROBABLY NOT - If it was a good idea, you wouldn't be asking Google this question.

You are asking the question because you fear that
  • he might not contribute to rent and utilities
  • he'll get more stoned or drink more often than you'd prefer
  • he'll make more work for you, not less
  • he won't do what he says he will do and then find a way to make it your fault
  • you have not introduced him to many of your friends
  • he doesn't like the friends he's met
  • he wakes up grouchy
  • he complains and whines
  • and you feel alone when you're together.
Moving in together tends to make any bad thing worse, not better.

If you go ahead and let him move in with you anyway, remember that you were 100% aware of all your doubts and fears going in.

When he moves in with you, it will deepen the intensity of your life (since you'll be angry all the time).  Don't mistake intensity for intimacy.

On the positive side, his presence will fill the emptiness within you and you can prolong having to face your life a while longer.

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