tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post1247693625576250627..comments2023-09-19T11:32:34.072-04:00Comments on Lil's Book of Questions: How Can I Live with My Partner's Flaws?Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-4175188931970827992012-04-25T10:00:30.724-04:002012-04-25T10:00:30.724-04:00Nomi, writing from Israel, sent this:
...Nomi, writing from Israel, sent this:<br /> <br />Of course, <br />I am perfect.<br />Being 100% myself,<br />of course I deserve 100 from him.<br /><br />There comes a time,<br />a sweet, humble moment,<br />when I look in the mirror,<br />and ask <br />a more practical question:<br />How can I be more<br />of what he needs from me?<br />or<br />How can I fill the spaces<br />gouged in our bitten sphere<br />by missed moments<br />missteps, <br />the times when I blanked,<br />missed a beat,<br />the times when I was the one<br />who made both of us trip and fall?<br /><br />Better still,<br />as we wrinkle together,<br />cuddle our frail, imperfect frames<br />softly into the worn familiar creases<br />of this flawed, mistaking, comfortable love,<br />Let us let go of visions.<br />Let us celebrate the sheer longevity<br />of our love itself.Lil Blumehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-57116313815135402082012-03-27T09:19:59.389-04:002012-03-27T09:19:59.389-04:00As I grow older, no matter how much more I think I...As I grow older, no matter how much more I think I understand about life and relationships, it seems to me love will always be in some ways a mysterious thing.<br /><br />Re: living with your partner's flaws, to pass on a remark Alain used to quote:<br />"I was looking for the perfect woman, and then I found her. The only problem was that she was looking for the perfect man."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-56977536973950708332012-03-27T09:17:33.170-04:002012-03-27T09:17:33.170-04:00I think I remember saying something like that but ...I think I remember saying something like that but the percent was 70/30, and it's still true. I think it would be helpful to expand the male reaction you mention. Conversations about what? If they didn't notice to start a conversation before, ie. connect/"reach out" before, how is this comment relevant? Do I, once again, initiate?<br /><br />Personally, I'm really glad I'm in my late 50s and the kids are gone so I don't need much from him and can let a lot of this go. I can't image what it would be like to be around a guy who noticed and knew how to talk. I'm sure they are rare, gay or of another generation. The most helpful thing for us was to have his Asperger's diagnosed and for both of us to get up to speed on what that meant - how it impacted our (my) expectations. He simply cannot do certain things - the wiring isn't there, and the wiring's there for him to be easily overstimulated/whelmed by "stuff". One of the helpful pieces of info. was that he needs much less from me than I want to give. My giving was short circuiting him. What's helped me is understanding our limitations, having wonderful gal friends, and most important for me has been a sense of spirituality that is a day-to-day, living, breathing reality - something I can lean on and trust.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-3814201648963538922012-03-20T14:01:51.895-04:002012-03-20T14:01:51.895-04:00Also important to remember that we usually knew go...Also important to remember that we usually knew going in which of our needs would not be met (and we can appreciate how amazingly consistent our partners are in not meeting them). See Sept. 1 blog "What Did You Sign Up For?"Lil Blumehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-69671392141282515332012-03-20T13:52:55.835-04:002012-03-20T13:52:55.835-04:00I have found, the nature of compatibility is an ev...I have found, the nature of compatibility is an ever fluctuating percentage. If we are lucky enough to find that 100% in a companion, a soul mate, if you will, how long can that perfection endure? We all have bad days. we have days when we are selfish and needy,and days when we feel not only is it better to receive than give, but it feels good to take.<br /><br />Perhaps the missing 20% is that quiet understanding and patience we try to have for both our own flaws and those of our loves.<br /><br />Perhaps it is within that 20% we find personal growth and our sense of adventure. <br /><br />After all, 80% is still an A, right?Dabuoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08914482303462205537noreply@blogger.com