tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57012679108134740662024-03-13T02:28:32.964-04:00Lil's Book of QuestionsThis blog will deal with the questions that come up in books, art, conversations, teaching, thinking, being.Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.comBlogger180125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-56771543473933485372017-06-18T09:56:00.000-04:002017-06-18T09:56:04.424-04:00How Can I Develop a Life that Feels Worthy as a Single Person?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">My friend is recently single. She has a school-age child. She asked me this:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">“How can I develop a life
that feels worthy, that doesn’t need to be validated by being shared with a
romantic partner, that is a “stand-alone experience,” so if I am romantically
abandoned, I can get up and be resilient?”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://previews.123rf.com/images/wdesigns/wdesigns0904/wdesigns090400040/4757742-Metal-anchor-isolated-against-a-white-background-Stock-Photo-anchor-rope-chain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://previews.123rf.com/images/wdesigns/wdesigns0904/wdesigns090400040/4757742-Metal-anchor-isolated-against-a-white-background-Stock-Photo-anchor-rope-chain.jpg" width="151" /></a><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">She said she wanted to feel anchored <i>internally</i> to her own life. She did not want to need
an external anchor. I answered her question by email. It went something like this:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<h3>
<b><u><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">COMMITTED
PARTNER IS ONE OF MANY ROLES</span></span></u></b></h3>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 11pt;">My first thought to her is
regarding roles we play. She no longer experiences the role of girlfriend, wife,
committed partner, or lover. She is now playing the role of “single person”
which she said she was enjoying.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Single person is a good
role, especially now that so many of her other roles are being embodied. These roles include graduate with advanced degrees, interesting jobs, and mother. I imagine there are many other roles – so that is
my first question to her was this, "What other roles are you playing now? What new roles
do you have room for now that you are no longer a committed
partner?"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Committed partner is one
of many roles – but it is a special and important one. I’ll get back to this
shortly.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">AND WE ALSO EXIST WITHOUT ANY HUMAN-DEFINED ROLES</span></span></u></b><br />
<b><u><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 11pt;">Indeed, we can </span><a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/43333" style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 11pt;" target="_blank">“hear our being dance from ear to ear”</a><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 11pt;"> if we pay attention. So there is also a part of us
to be celebrated that is part of creation, part of the oneness of all
existence.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">In the absence of a
committed romantic relationship, we discover and more fully experience many
roles. We get to know ourselves better. We have a chance to reflect on the
strengths and weaknesses of previous committed romantic relationships. We can
ask ourselves what we wanted those relationships to become, what we consciously ignored, what surprised us as
things evolved. We can ask ourselves what we want and need now in order to be
on a firmer footing. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">We might discover that we
don’t <i>need</i> to be validated by
sharing our lives with a romantic partner, but we simply <i>prefer to share our
lives with a romantic partner.</i> We are validated by our own freely made choices
of how to live in the world, how to relate in our jobs, how to treat our family, friends, and others we encounter through work and play. We are validated by how we share our knowledge and
give of ourselves and how we hold ourselves back so we can be present the next
day.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<b><u><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?</span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 11pt;">And then we might find
ourselves in the company of another single person who is also interested in
enhancing his life or her life by fully engaging in a life
together.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">If we are romantically
abandoned, we grieve. It’s sad, but we are not defeated. The role of lover of
that person might be over, but the role of lover of life is
not.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-60751506233594387152016-12-11T22:43:00.000-05:002017-01-28T11:38:48.285-05:00Who Would You Like to Talk to and What About?<div class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I found this question and answer pasted into my journal from March 21, 1991. I was playing "Postcard Challenge." The game involved asking each other questions. The answer would be a postcard with an image, words, and a new questions.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/415gb048NxL._SY325_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Image result for with love from hell Matt Groening" border="0" height="209" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/415gb048NxL._SY325_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I had photocopied the non-picture side of the postcard and taped it into my journal. I don't know what the picture was, but it was from this postcard book.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Who did I want to talk to in 1991? Here's my answer:</span><br />
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">1. Moses: I'd ask him what that burning bush was like.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">2. Jesus: I'd ask him what he meant actually - what he really wanted.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">3. Buddha: Perhaps he'd explain his experience to me</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">4, 5, & 6.: Jefferson, Danton, Marat, and Cromwell. I'd like to talk about their revolutions.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">7 & 8: Confucius and Lao Tzu: I'd like to know what they think it's all about.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">9. Shakespeare: I'd like to know his feelings about love and marriage, writing, inspiration, magic, <i>The Tempest, King Lear, </i>and so on. Ideally, we would talk for a long, long while.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">10. Ghandi, Thoreau, Golda Meir</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">11. Abby Hoffman, John Lennon, Mozart.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">12. Akhenaten, Pericles, Socrates, Plato.</span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Actually, if I could talk to one person, I'd talk to my father who died January 1, 1969.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">*********************</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">That was my answer 25 years ago. It might be different now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Who would you like to talk to and what about?</span>Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-24724892567967393762016-01-11T00:37:00.000-05:002016-09-19T00:24:59.085-04:00Are Self-Help Books Self-Helpful?<div style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b28; font-family: Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Thinking of reading a self-help book?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Will it ease your back pain?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Will it make you thinner?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Will it help you find true love?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Will it endanger your life?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My first self-help book was </span><i><span style="font-size: large;">Let's Eat Right to Keep Fit,</span></i><i style="font-size: x-large;"> </i><span style="font-size: large;">the Bible of food back in the 1970s. I recall making Adelle </span><span style="font-size: large;">Davis's <a href="http://www.lionsgrip.com/adellesupplements.html" target="_blank">nutritional booster</a> of brewer's yeast, wheat germ, </span><span style="font-size: large;">raw eggs, and fruit juice. Check it out!</span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b28; font-family: Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;">
<a 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" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-size: large;">I've had some transformational insights due to self-help books, particularly <i>Co-Dependent No More</i> which showed me that my situation was typical of many people and not unique to me. The book described my then (way-back then) partner's behaviours and my responses as if there had been a camera in our home for the previous five years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This realization enabled this enabler to pry herself loose from the cycle of fleeing and returning. After reading the book, I was able to see the cycle as a typical pattern. The book sucked all the unique drama out of my experience. I was a cliché. I had the book, though, for many months before being able to read it. The book was screaming its blue cover at me - and finally, at the right time, I was able to listen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Difficult Conversations</i> helped me see my own responsibility in all the difficult conversations I found myself in. This had the powerful impact of reducing anger. How can I be mad at you and disappointed in you if I knew how disappointing you would be from the beginning?</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">The Five Dysfunctions of a Team</span></i><span style="font-size: large;"> has been a very useful book for anyone working in groups. The key message of that book is that trust is essential for teams to be effective.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The other four dysfunctions follow from absence of trust.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://hubski.com/pub?id=86684" target="_blank">A friend of mine said this</a>, "L<span style="background-color: transparent;">ife is too interesting and too complex for self-help to be worthwhile."</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b28; font-family: "tahoma" , "geneva" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I would say the opposite: Life is too interesting and complex for self-help and any other kind of help not to be worthwhile. There is no one answer. There are many answers, and the right book at the right time can sometimes be just what we need. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b28; font-family: "tahoma" , "geneva" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">At least it was for me. </span>Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-2529143759852715212015-12-25T13:51:00.000-05:002015-12-25T13:51:26.292-05:00How Do You Feel About Those Christmas Letters?<div class="pubcontent" style="font-family: 'Open Sans'; margin: 0px 0px 0px 34px;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have never sent a seasonal summary of family life. I received my first one when I was 23. Receiving an impersonal letter, rather than a personal one, ended that friendship. But that was long ago in a province far away. I was less accepting then. I now see the benefits of efficiently giving an update of our many human struggles and joys to a large number of people whom we care about and whom we hope care about us in return.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Two years ago, I did write this and posted it only on <a href="http://www.hubski.com/" target="_blank">Hubski</a>. I'll post it here today. It's for all of you: </span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: x-large;"><i><a href="https://hubski.com/pub?id=125248" target="_blank">My never sent Xmas letter </a></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: purple;"><i>or the joy and frustration of caring for and being cared for by so many people over tim</i></span><span style="color: #222222;">e.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dear . . .</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I think of you more than you know. I especially think of you this time of year and almost reach out. I don't write annual update letters or send seasonal cards. I don't even have a mailing list of friends and loved ones. I do have a photo album of you in my head; and as I write this, I am thinking of <i>you</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm not even sure where you are or where I am. If I was on Facebook, then at least I could -- what's the expression? tickle you? -- oh yeah, poke, I could poke you. You could poke me back -- but I participate very lightly in that club.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Since I am thinking of you now, I want to wish you as much satisfaction and happiness in your life as you can carry. I heard that your mom or grandfather or sister died last year, and I thought of you then as well. I remembered the times we hung out and all the times I visited your family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's been a hard year for you, but you know and I know that things are hard, and then they get better. Then they get bad again, then they get better, sometimes much better, then bad again. Maybe we can plateau for a few years - that's nice. We can raise a family or be creative. Those are wonderful times. Then they're over. New times begin. Along the way, we hope we can do something useful, help others, and generally move in the direction of goodness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We lose touch with one another, but I still think of you. More than you know. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Love,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Lil</span></div>
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-3655218934056590252015-11-12T11:26:00.001-05:002017-01-28T11:42:18.721-05:00Can You Make a Difference, Part 2<div class="Section1">
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<a href="https://lifevolumeone.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/cfhange-your-lifeheart-060215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://lifevolumeone.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/cfhange-your-lifeheart-060215.jpg" width="200" /></a><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When I was teaching in a jail school, people were always asking, </span></span><a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2012/09/can-you-make-difference.html" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">"Can you make a differenc</a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2012/09/can-you-make-difference.html" target="_blank">e</a>?" Mos</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">t
teachers know change does happen, and it happens often enough right in the
classroom to keep us flinging our hearts up on the blackboard. In fact, we live
for those moments when we see a light flicker on in a dark place.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Teachers are also full of dark places. </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Interactions
with our students change us irrevocably ‑‑ and change is painful.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Pete had
taken my communication course at night school. He was hoping to get into
college full‑time. He had been a young offender in his teens, and now wanted to be a youth worker. <o:p></o:p></span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After the course was over, we continued to talk, usually about his romantic and cash flow problems.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">To help his
cash flow, I asked Pete to come over to reshingle my leaking roof. He brought a
recent acquaintance.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">At one
point, I let the acquaintance into the house to "make a phone call." It turned out he was actually looking for theft‑worthy goods.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A few
months later, I had a break‑in. The thief found spare car keys and used my car
to take my computer and other items for his clients.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Image result for early ibm clone" border="0" 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" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My IBM clone</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He smashed
up my car in a four‑car collision and was seen fleeing the accident, carrying
my guitar. I was devastated, especially for the loss of poetry, stories, and
teaching materials that were saved on my computer ‑‑ and nowhere else.</span><br />
<div class="Section2">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The police
asked me to think of everyone who had been in my house in the past six months. Witnesses at the accident said the driver was in his 20s, blond, and bearded.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I called
Pete and, before I said anything, he sighed, "Oh no, not you, too." It
turns out his "friend" had broken into Pete's house and the homes of
everyone he had met during the weeks the two of them were socializing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Pete gave
me his friend's name. At the police station, I discovered the friend had a
record and I identified his picture.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Pete came
over to talk. He felt responsible. He was profoundly apologetic and crying and
wished he'd never brought the guy over. </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He also let
it slip that he knew the receiver of the stolen goods - the fence - but would not name him. Pete had served his time and been rehabilitated, but he still knew everyone in
his criminal community.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Pete also
told me that he might know where my computer was.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Apparently,
an escort service had put out an "order" for a computer. Which escort
service? He would not tell me that ‑‑ but he imagined the new
"owners" had got rid of the computer by now since they heard the
police were looking for their supplier. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He knew the fence and probably the recipient as well.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I believe
he was sorry. He pleaded with me to understand. But he was afraid, so he chose
to protect his criminal acquaintances rather than help out someone who had
helped him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I felt
disgusted. Our friendship was over.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Eight
months pass. The phone rings late one night. It's Pete calling from a village
on the west coast.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He just
wanted to say hi. He'd moved on. He was working for some cousin, reading a lot,
and living alone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Two years
pass. I get another call ‑‑ this time from <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Kingston</st1:place></st1:city>. Pete, again "just checking
in," saying he's working and staying out of trouble.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I said, "I'm glad to hear it." What else could I say?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But now, I
realize that he was apologizing the only way he knew how: By getting a job ‑‑
and staying out of trouble.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sometimes a
change in our students comes only from our profound disappointment in them.</span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As for me,
I gradually learned to be less naive, more cautious ‑‑ less trusting.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>This story was originally published in 1999 in </i>The Hamilton Spectator<i> when I was on their community editorial board.</i></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>For more on teaching in the jail school, please see <a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2012/09/can-you-make-difference.html" target="_blank">Can You Make a Difference (Part 1)</a></i></span></span></div>
Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-4034325261715355872015-08-12T14:53:00.001-04:002022-02-14T15:30:55.446-05:00King Lear, Part 3: Our Present Business is General Woe<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">I sat on the edge of my seat, leaning towards the stage, eyes wet, and watched the final scene of King Lear. Here are some thoughts arising from the lines in Act V, Scene iii:</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Edmond:</span> </b></span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Edmond is a villain - and we need villains to advance the plot, but Edmond is an interesting and almost sympathetic villain.</span><br />
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<a href="https://theshakespearecode.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/edmund-son-to-gloucester.png?w=500" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://theshakespearecode.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/edmund-son-to-gloucester.png?w=500" /></a><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">At the beginning of King Lear, Edmond's father, Gloucester, admits that Edmond is his out-of-wedlock son that he has always "blushed" to acknowledge. Gloucester blames the boy's mother for having a son "ere she had a husband for her bed." Like Lear, Gloucester is another character who takes no responsibility for his actions and pays the price.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">After Lear splits the country between Goneril and Regan, the state is weakened and the sisters compete with each other for Edmond. When there is division in a state or a relationship, a malefactor, like Edmond, can wedge himself in creating a wider division. I am reminded of modern-day Syria which, due to the civil war, became a breeding ground for ISIS.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Edmond has sent orders to have Lear and Cordelia killed while in prison. When he is captured, he tries to undo his order - his only redemptive act: </span><br />
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Some good I mean to do,<br />
Despite of mine own nature. Quickly send<br />
(Be brief in't) to the castle; for my writ<br />
Is on the life of Lear and on Cordelia.<br />
Nay, send in time.</blockquote>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Edmond is very full of his own importance and influence, but when his death is announced, the response is "That's but a trifle here." Nobody cares.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">The soldiers running to rescue Lear and Cordelia are too late.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Lear enters carrying Cordelia.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEm7PUTbyNX2D-Pn7PvlUgYNlVCzIqyfI3SGK8CgbCTVx1VqRg1No45srTVYHpIb9BLgf4fjwSeFU7YvlviHQYGzVhWNlfJzz6BU80dz8LHXN2CGl3xI1WiksNF77pdMIRblA2jeMfiiE/s1600/Lear+feore.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEm7PUTbyNX2D-Pn7PvlUgYNlVCzIqyfI3SGK8CgbCTVx1VqRg1No45srTVYHpIb9BLgf4fjwSeFU7YvlviHQYGzVhWNlfJzz6BU80dz8LHXN2CGl3xI1WiksNF77pdMIRblA2jeMfiiE/s320/Lear+feore.jpg" width="294" /></a>Howl, howl, howl, howl! O, you are men of stone.<br />
Had I your tongues and eyes, I'ld use them so<br />
That heaven's vault should crack. She's gone for
ever!<br />
I know when one is dead, and when one lives.<br />
She's dead as earth.<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span></blockquote>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Soon Lear dies as well. The Duke of Albany is still standing. By Act IV, Albany could see that Goneril, his wife, was a piece of work. She calls him "a milk-liver'd man" and he calls her "a fiend" shielded by a woman's shape" and a lot worse. The play ends with his instructions:</span><br />
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Our present business is general woe.</blockquote>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">These are sad times and must be so recognized. Our very business is grieving. Let's do nothing else. There is a formalness and authority in this declaration that I find helpful and comforting.</span></div>
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The weight of this sad time we must obey,<br />
Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.<br />
The oldest have borne most; we that are young<br />
Shall never see so much, nor live so long.</blockquote>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">We are told to speak what we feel. Our feelings are so often mediated, censored, or blocked by our roles and beliefs in what "we ought to say." The direct line from our heart to our voice is interrupted by beliefs in how we should present ourselves. To speak what we feel would be too raw, too vulnerable. Yet here, Albany calls all present to only speak their feelings.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Love: </b></span></span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">I began these meditations on King Lear by asking, "<a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2015/08/whither-shakespeare-part-xi-king-lear.html" target="_blank">What's love got to do with it?</a>" There's not a lot of love in King Lear. There is a great deal of anger, shouting, cursing, </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">and howling. </span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">One person who did not shout was Cordelia whose voice was ever "soft, gentle and low." That is not only "an excellent thing in a woman," it is a thing possible for anyone who is self-reflective, honest both to self and others, and responsible for their contribution, great or slight, to their own fate.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2015/08/king-lear-part-2-does-anyone-here-know.html" target="_blank">King Lear Part 2</a></span>Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-70891421910071438772015-08-11T13:50:00.005-04:002021-02-15T20:56:37.241-05:00King Lear, Part 2: Does Anyone Here Know Me?<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Last summer, in a binge of live theatre, I saw <i>Man of <st1:place w:st="on">La Mancha </st1:place></i>and then<i> King Lear </i>immediately after. I began a piece called "King Lear of La Mancha" noting the similarities between the
two works. </span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;"><i>Man of La Mancha</i> is based on a novel by Cervantes, first published in 1605. The first performance of King Lear was in 1606. Both stories deal with family issues and difficulties seeing women (life, the universe, everything) clearly. Lear saw his lying, selfish daughters as loving and devoted. He saw his honest, true daughter as uncaring. Don Quixote saw the bitter, angry Aldonza as the saintly Dulcinea.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">One doesn't have to be a foolish, old man to have a distorted view. We all do
it. We tend to see what we choose to see and interpret behaviours in ways that fit our needs and self-perception. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">Art experiences can sometimes
help us see more clearly.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">The Lear that I saw recently struggles with his identity and his threatened sense of self. After he rashly banishes Cordelia, even the evil
sister Regan notes, "He has ever but slenderly known himself."</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Upon giving his two dissembling daughters each half his kingdom, he still sees himself as a functioning unit. He will lead 100 knights and, together, they will reside with his daughters: one month with Regan, one month
with Goneril.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">The daughters see him as worthless. Rather than recognize
that he made a mistake, he rages at his daughters. The more he denies his error, the more he loses his identity. He
asks, "Who is it that can tell me who I am?" (I, iv). The Fool
replies, "Lear's shadow." His fall into madness continues until
he begins to <i>take responsibility for his own contribution to his problems.</i></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">That might be the take-home message of the </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">play.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">At the end of Act IV, Cordelia, her soldiers, and her doctor rescue Lear. He wakes up and gradually recognizes Cordelia -- and recalls the wrong he did her:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Be your tears wet? Yes, faith. I pray weep not.<br />If you have poison for me, I will drink it.<br />I know you do not love me; for your sisters<br />Have, as I do remember, done me wrong.<br />You have some cause, they have not.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">And with these words and the recognition that he has wronged Cordelia, he knows who he is. Lear and Cordelia are then taken prisoner by Goneril and Regan's men:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Come, let’s away to prison.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We two alone will sing like birds i' th' cage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When thou dost ask me blessing, I’ll kneel down<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And ask of thee forgiveness. So we’ll live,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">At gilded butterflies, and hear poor rogues<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Talk of court news, and we’ll talk with them too—<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Who loses and who wins, who’s in, who’s out—<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And take upon ’s the mystery of things<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As if we were God’s spies.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Lear says that they will take on "the mystery of things."
Instead of arrogance and pomposity, Lear is vulnerable and humble. He asks forgiveness. He's aware that he knows nothing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And we’ll wear out<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In a walled prison packs and sects of great ones<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That ebb and flow by the moon. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS";"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">- by
being weak and open, they will wear out the great ones. Greatness, he
says, ebbs and flows. He now knows this well.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">He is no longer struggling with his identity. Clinging to an
identity of greatness only made him crazy.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Note: Please read the <a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2015/08/whither-shakespeare-part-xi-king-lear.html" target="_blank">King Lear Part 1</a> and <a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2015/08/king-lear-part-3-our-present-business.html" target="_blank">King Lear Part 3</a></span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">There will be one further blog on the ending of King Lear. Coming soon.</span></div>
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-64389680522917038622015-08-08T15:18:00.005-04:002020-10-03T17:17:11.246-04:00Whither Shakespeare? Part XI: King Lear or What's Love Got to Do with It?<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">King Lear is about a self-absorbed senior citizen who wants to retire. He wants others, particularly his daughters, to love him as much as he loves himself. He is willing to pay an army of men to carouse with him and this props up his belief in his own importance. He no longer wants the responsibility of running a kingdom.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">Perhaps he devoted his whole life to his kingdom. Perhaps he was a good king, as he has some loyal followers, Kent for one. But King Lear is somewhat addled and mistaking his older daughters' fawning praise for love, he divides the kingdom between them.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">His youngest daughter, Cordelia, really does love him, but will not buy into the division of the kingdom based on the one-off expression of love that he demands. She is banished, but has a husband who will love her for herself, not for her share of the kingdom.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">In the opening scenes of King Lear, the noise of love is mistaken for the deeds and behaviours over time that prove love to be real. Intensity is mistaken for intimacy.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">Lear, who is not aware of his failings and believes 100% in his impulses, banishes Kent and Cordelia and the play is off and running.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">I am about to see a live performance of King Lear in a park in Vancouver. I will report back soon with an update - looking particularly at how love, both false and real, recognized and unrecognized, lead to the tragic outcomes of this play.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"><a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2015/08/king-lear-part-2-does-anyone-here-know.html" target="_blank">King Lear, Part 2 here.</a> </span></span><a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2015/08/king-lear-part-3-our-present-business.html" style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;" target="_blank">King Lear, Part 3 here.</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"><br /></span></span>Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-34626974053911858832015-07-23T09:46:00.000-04:002015-07-31T23:34:07.971-04:00What Do You Need in a Relationship? Besides "Love."<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Here's my top five things:</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">1. <b>EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS</b>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Do I feel heard and understood?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">2. <b>FUN</b>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Do I have fun with you?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">3. <b>TRUST</b>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Are you a safe harbour where I can moor my boat?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Is it safe to come home?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Will I be nurtured and cared for?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">4. <b>PHYSICAL CLOSENESS</b>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Is my body accepted and loved by you?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Is a hug or cuddle available or withheld?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Are my physical needs validated or mocked?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">5. <b>RESPECT</b>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Do you respect my concerns or devalue them?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">These components are provided in varying degrees at various times. We might prefer 100% of these all the time, but we find we can be happy <a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2012/03/how-can-i-live-with-my-partners-flaws.html" target="_blank">with some other percent</a>. Some days, we are only able to give 70% ourselves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">What are your desired components?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">What do you give?</span></div>
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<a href="http://cbsnews1.cbsistatic.com/hub/i/r/2002/02/01/d9f50add-a642-11e2-a3f0-029118418759/thumbnail/620x350/1c96a3334fbb9dd9de42562cedc0ffa7/image327970x.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cbsnews1.cbsistatic.com/hub/i/r/2002/02/01/d9f50add-a642-11e2-a3f0-029118418759/thumbnail/620x350/1c96a3334fbb9dd9de42562cedc0ffa7/image327970x.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Ask your partner. It might be a scary conversation, but it seems like a genuine one and might keep you from being blindsided by some imagined dissatisfaction down the road.</span></div>
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-55123245781358512682015-07-19T16:58:00.000-04:002015-07-31T23:35:27.064-04:00Is the Universe Indifferent, Part 2<div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;">
<div style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 13px;">
<span class="quotelink"><br /></span></div>
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</div>
<div style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 13px; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/18/Entrance_CCTK_Hamilton.jpg/250px-Entrance_CCTK_Hamilton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/18/Entrance_CCTK_Hamilton.jpg/250px-Entrance_CCTK_Hamilton.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">Early yesterday morning, I was driving down a ramp
running past this church heading towards the highway. A deer came bounding across the highway ahead of me. I was still going slow and able to stop (and luckily the guy behind me stopped too). I know this
happens all the time in <st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">New Jersey,</st1:place></st1:state>
but it had never happened to me here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://www.ncdps.gov/imgs/SHP/DeerHighway.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://www.ncdps.gov/imgs/SHP/DeerHighway.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">If in <i>my</i> delusional
subjectivity , I believed the universe was sending me a message, it would be
this: You can live in two worlds: the forest and the city, and
occasionally the creative natural part of you can leap up and STOP TRAFFIC, if
you have to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 13px; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">Or maybe the
message from the universe is simply, "Lil, like this friggin' deer, you
are LOST. Figure out where home is and where you can be safe and go there."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Jewish
philosopher, Richard Rubenstein wrote: </span></span><em style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">"We
stand in a cold, silent, unfeeling cosmos unaided by any purposeful power
beyond our own resources." </em><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I'm inclined to agree, but the universe gives us so much, so much. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">It's fun to imagine it is a sentient, engaged universe sending me mysteries to unravel. What messages do you get from the universe?</span></span></div>
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-74870719799407747732015-07-18T12:03:00.002-04:002017-02-03T19:08:51.585-05:00What Does It Mean to Face Your Problems?<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Wouldn't it be easier to avoid facing one's problems? Even suffering is easier than facing one's problems -- for a while. Eventually we put on our big girl or big boy pants and deal with things. Here's a poem I wrote on the topic in 2005 about things that had happened years earlier. Here it is years later and there are still many things that need facing - probably always will be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">FACING IT</span><br />
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<br /></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><i>"Maybe
you never get over anything. You just find a way of carrying it as gently as
possible." -- </i></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Bronwen
Wallace</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Facing it is
deciding not to wipe blood off the floor<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Well, not so
much deciding, as letting it sit there, declaring itself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Facing it is
sitting alone, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">watching your
8-year-old play baseball<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">in a park on a
sunny day<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And when she
makes her way around the bases, you think<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">If this is as
good as it gets –<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">This is pretty
good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Facing it is
saying to a new lover,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">“What makes
your life meaningful?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> And i</span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">f he says,
“My gun collection,”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">disarming him
with a smile<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">and cancelling
the next date.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Facing it is
seeing it in others<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">– an isolated
student or neighbour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">entombed in
anger<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">on the verge
of explosion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">So you listen,
just listen – <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">a candle in a cave.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Then facing it
is writing it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">telling it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">to yourself,
to another<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">to the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Facing it is
accepting it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">with
compassion and grace<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">letting your
heart grow wider<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">and eventually<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">scrubbing the
blood off the floor<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">packing up and
moving on<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">and carrying
it with you,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span class="apple-tab-span"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> . . . </span></span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">gently<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-81573452215704504122015-07-14T17:26:00.000-04:002015-08-09T11:29:40.330-04:00Did You Hear What I Didn't Say?<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">I teach active, empathic listening to grad students. Many of them are highly skilled, multi-talented computer scientists from universities around the globe.</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a 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" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Image result for stressed coworker" border="0" 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" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Team member's stress</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">When we listen accurately, everyone benefits. We can better understand</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><span style="font-size: large;">our client's needs</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">our supervisor's instructions</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">our team member's stress.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">Showing awareness of unspoken feelings can hasten connection and problem-solving in difficult situations.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><br /></span></span>
<a href="http://teezeria.com/images/designs/1654img_70.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://teezeria.com/images/designs/1654img_70.png" height="320" width="220" /></a><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">Empathic listening might involve guessing at a person's underlying feelings and tentatively reflecting those feelings back. Since our emotional vocabulary might be limited to Seseme Street feelings, I provide students with <a href="https://www.cnvc.org/sites/default/files/feelings_inventory_0.pdf" target="_blank">lists of emotions</a> and ask them to identify the feelings they have had in the last day, week, or month.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">After the students learn and roleplay <a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2012/11/whats-best-thing-to-say-to-troubled.html" target="_blank">responding with empathy</a>, I pull troubling statements out of a bag and go around the circle, asking each student to respond to a different statement. These are all real statements that people have said to me.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 110%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 37.5pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 37.5pt; text-indent: -19.5pt;">
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">Young adult: “I hate it
when my parents’ friends ask me what I’m going to do with my life. I don’t know what I want to do yet and they
really want me to know.”</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt;">Friend:
“I spilled coffee on my keyboard.
Fried everything."</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt; text-indent: -19.5pt;">Friend:
“My mom’s in the psycho ward. She tried to overdose."</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; font-size: 13.5pt; text-indent: -19.5pt;">Friend:
"My husband's so depressed, he hung a noose from a rafter in the
hall. Every day when I come home, I climb up on a ladder and cut it down.
The next day, it's up again."</span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">The exercise is hard, but particularly hard for some of my foreign students. Maybe they can't imagine that there is an underlying, unspoken feeling, and probably, the exercise makes no sense to them.</span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">After my last workshop. I asked one of my students how he felt about the class.</span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">"It was interesting," he said.</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">"</span></span><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">If one of your friends back home told you about a personal problem, what's the first thing you would say?" I asked.</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">"I'd say, 'thank you,' to my friend."</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">"Thank you?"</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">"It's so unusual," he said, "for someone to tell me a problem that I'd say thank you to them - thank you for trusting me with the problem."</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">Thank <i>you</i>, my student for giving me that information. It will help me teach this unit. </span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><b>Possible Answers</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">Seriously, there's no "right" answer. Just try to imagine what the other person is going through and reflect it back. Read their body language if you can. This response is just a first step in a longer conversation. Also, be mindful of really really bad stuff and let your response reflect that awareness.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">1. "That must be embarrassing for you - to not be able to give them an answer."</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">2. "Oh crap!! That's awful. You must feel so mad at yourself."</span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">3. "You must be so shocked and worried."</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">4. "Maybe he's trying to tell you something." -- no just kidding, that would be a terrible response -- How about, "You must be afraid to go home." or "It sounds like you are feeling completely helpless."</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">(I want to cry thinking of these examples. Please, shoot me an em</span><span style="line-height: 23.7575759887695px;">pathic response.)</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: x-small; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 23.7575759887695px;"><br /></span></span>Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-37509824503010436292015-07-12T08:10:00.000-04:002015-07-12T09:45:03.412-04:00Did You Hear What I Said? Part Two<div style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">I once taught a workshop at a national research
institute for fuel cell innovation. The health and safety inspectors had put
the institute <b>on notice</b> for bad and
dangerous communication. They had to work towards correcting the problem. The
institute employed scientists from around the world. I taught workshops
on listening. They explained the problem and invited me to the site.</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<a href="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1572494/images/o-CHICKEN-SOUP-HEALING-facebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1572494/images/o-CHICKEN-SOUP-HEALING-facebook.jpg" height="160" style="background-color: transparent;" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">My workshop
was called: <i>Chicken Soup for the Inner Ear: Effective Listening in a
Diverse Community.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">It appeared
that due to language and cultural differences, safety rules were not being
heard and understood. While everyone spoke English, there was a good chance
that they were also translating in their heads and something might be lost in
the translation. There were also cultural differences. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">"Imagine
an expert is explaining a safety procedure," I said, "and you are not
100% sure that you understand. It would be a good idea to say, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Please explain that again or <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt;">What do you mean by . . .? or <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Can I repeat back my understanding of
this?"<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">One person
said, "I could not do that. It is considered rude in my culture."</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.olympusmicro.com/primer/java/fuelcell/fuelcelljavafigure1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.olympusmicro.com/primer/java/fuelcell/fuelcelljavafigure1.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">We did some roleplaying and discovered a workaround, so that politeness would not lead to them being BLOWN UP by volatile chemicals.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">There were
about 25 scientists and engineers in the workshop. I was wondering how well they listened to one another, so we did this exercise:</span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">I
asked them to explain their job to the person next to them. The next person
would have to repeat back in their own words what the first person's job was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">As we began
this exercise, it quickly became obvious that rather than hearing what the
person was saying, the listener interpreted it or translated it and said it
back inaccurately. As we did this, the class became more engaged and invested. They gradually realized that if there were so many misunderstandings and misinterpretations in this simple exercise, things might be going very badly in more complicated, technical conversations.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">The company is still standing. The only thing that has exploded so far is the myths they carried of being good communicators.</span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;">
<span class="quotelink"><a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2013/01/did-you-hear-what-i-said.html" target="_blank">Did You Hear What I Said? Part 1</a></span></div>
Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-41302040016271112842015-07-11T22:05:00.001-04:002017-12-20T17:02:24.798-05:00Is There Still "Service" in Customer Service? Answer: SEND ME A GUY<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 3.75pt;">
<b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: large;">TUESDAY, July 7, 2015</span></b></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
</div>
<ol></ol>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";">Due to a sudden personal crisis, I had been unable to sleep for several nights. I was a zombie, and, stumbling into the day, I knocked coffee all over my computer.</span></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><br /></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><img height="180" src="https://ak7.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/3228967/thumb/4.jpg" width="320" /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";">I looked up Dell on</span><span class="apple-converted-space" style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"> </span><a href="http://gethuman.com/" style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';" target="_blank" title="http://gethuman.com/"><span style="color: #e0a203;">Get a Human</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space" style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"> </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";">and phoned. </span>In
the past, getting a human at Dell has taken HOURS -- hours and hours filled
with oceans of hurt. I'd have to book a day off to get help from Dell.</span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";">But
this time a human immediately confirmed that I had a warranty until 2018 and
connected me quickly to another human. Let's call her Saffron.</span><span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">Saffron said, "Pack up your
computer and mail it to us."</span></span></blockquote>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">I
said, "SEND ME A GUY."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">She
tried to do several diagnostics, I pressed F2, F12, start, restart. She wasn't getting the information she needed. I said: "SEND ME A GUY."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">She
said, "I can't send you a guy until I know what parts to send him. If you
mail it to us, then we'll have all the parts available."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">I
said, "SEND ME A GUY."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">She
said, "He might have the wrong parts. He might have to make several
trips."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">I
said, "SEND ME A GUY."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">She
said she'd order some parts and send me a guy, and then sent me this personal
email:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I enjoyed working
with you today on your coffee spill issue. I have included your service request
and dispatch information below. Please be sure to contact me immediately if you
do not hear from the onsite technician by noon tomorrow morning."</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">WOW.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";">WEDNESDAY, July 8, 2015</span></b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">I
hadn't heard from the guy so I sent an email to Saffron at 9:46 a.m.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">Within
an hour, she wrote back saying,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>"I
just checked the status, it looks like the technician does not have the part
yet. He will reach out once he picks up the part. I’ll keep you posted."</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">Around 2:00 p.m., the
guy phoned and said the parts were in and he was on his way over.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">The
guy, Correy, arrived. He looked at my computer and said, "OY GEVALT!!" -- this
is a Yiddish expression, that I wasn't expecting to hear from a techy. Correy was amazing. They had sent him what seems to be the Standard COFFEE-WINE Repair
Kit. It had a new motherboard, a new keyboard, a new USB port, and other
goodies. </span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">By 4:00 p.m. -- 30 hours after the spill -- my computer was up and running. I am guessing that if I had mailed it to Dell, I'd still be waiting.</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">I
wrote Saffron about the great service. She wrote back saying this:</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";">"I’m
glad to hear you were pleased with the service!! You can always reach out to me
with any other issues. It was a pleasure assisting you!"</span></i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">(The exclamation marks are hers.)</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">Correy gave me his cell # and told me to contact him anytime. He said, "You
have the complete care warranty. You can throw the computer off the roof of
your house and we'll fix it."</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: large;">It's
a brave, new world of customer service.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 3.75pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: large;">My new mantra: "Send me a guy."</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4yCOHZ8OuA2Paj4B6hFzpvzdmeFZx08sFcLwAUIzItmCnEO4HAJTsBZ0-trIyPQgHFdqukwodWcSsMGimoBjBv6wYGxxojSJ4qT2N5y1IuX2lykXRfR4BxRXQguB-b5av4rMv7ckWj3Q/s1600/a+guy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4yCOHZ8OuA2Paj4B6hFzpvzdmeFZx08sFcLwAUIzItmCnEO4HAJTsBZ0-trIyPQgHFdqukwodWcSsMGimoBjBv6wYGxxojSJ4qT2N5y1IuX2lykXRfR4BxRXQguB-b5av4rMv7ckWj3Q/s320/a+guy.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-66584649024173829032015-06-22T10:00:00.000-04:002015-06-22T10:03:09.157-04:00What Would You Do If There Were No "Adults"?<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 20.1599998474121px;">I am on an island. There are no adults. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 20.1599998474121px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://wearemoviegeeks.com/wp-content/uploads/35.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><span style="background: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">My thoughts soon
turn to<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPj2U7GhVkw" style="font-style: italic;" target="_blank">Lord of the
Flies</a><i>,</i><span class="apple-converted-space"><i> </i>by </span>William Golding, and the 1963 film that so traumatized us in high school.</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://faberadatch.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/3012758897_71ba4b1352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://faberadatch.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/3012758897_71ba4b1352.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.5pt;">During the bombing of England, schoolboys were evacuated. Their plane is shot down and the boys find themselves on an island.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">In the beginning, they try to organize themselves and light a fire to signal adults who will surely be looking for them. They vote Ralph to be their leader, as Ralph has the conch.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Order quickly breaks down though and the fire goes out. A breakaway sect forms and most of the boys follow Jack, and the gang of hunters.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">By the time the adults do show up, Simon, mistaken for "the beast," has been savagely attacked and killed; Piggy has been crushed to death by a boulder; and Ralph is running for his life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Why can't they all just get along? There's an island with enough food for all. It's beautiful and the weather is great.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">What happens is this: the bullies take over the island.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Why do they make us read <i>Lord of the Flies</i> in high school? They want us to remember this:</span></span></div>
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<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">You better listen to your parents and teachers. If there were no adults the bullies will steal your glasses and eventually kill you.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Without adults, might is stronger than right.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Bullies will wreck every paradise (paradise = life itself). They don't need a reason and even if you try to do the right thing, it won't help.</span></span></li>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Perhaps, finally, we are made to read it to invoke us to find an inner adult and give that adult a moral compass to help us find the way.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Do they still teach <i>Lord of the Flies</i>?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">What would you do if there were no adults?</span></span></div>
Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-70588487241500459632015-06-21T08:01:00.000-04:002018-01-21T11:39:15.351-05:00Do You See Your Life as a Story?<div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">A student of
literature is soon taught to see all travel stories as allegorical journeys.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">An allegory is a story ostensibly about one thing, but also about
something else: a symbolic journey that occurs in progressive stages.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Since the story is a <i>journey</i>, it often has a beginning and an end.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Since the story is an <i>allegory</i><b>, </b>the end signals a new beginning.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Memorable journeys of literature include</span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/dd/Gustave_Dore_Inferno1.jpg/220px-Gustave_Dore_Inferno1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/dd/Gustave_Dore_Inferno1.jpg/220px-Gustave_Dore_Inferno1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dante begins his journey</td></tr>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">the journey from slavery in <st1:country-region w:st="on">Egypt</st1:country-region>
to freedom in <st1:place w:st="on">Canaan</st1:place>, a land seen as home for the Biblical Israelites, a journey of 40 years</span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">the journey of Odysseus from the great mistake that was the
Trojan War back home to <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Ithaca</st1:place></st1:city>,
a journey of 10 years</span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">the journey of Dante, who <i>finds himself</i> in a dark wood in
the middle of his life, then travels from the Inferno to Paradiso and to an
understanding of "the love which moves the sun and the stars," a journey of 32,000 words</span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">the journey of Dorothy Gale,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.com/2012/12/whats-with-dorothy.html" target="_blank">a rebellious child betrayed by adults</a>,
to Oz and eventually back home to <st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Kansas</st1:place></st1:state>,
a film journey of 102 minutes</span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Along the way, these characters are
tested again and again. The tests reveal to them their deepest selves
and the strength of their spirits.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="font-size: 18px;">If you see your life as a story, later on, you will see the tests you faced along as the components of your evolving and forming identity, as the way you became your self.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">We shall not cease from exploration<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And the end of all our exploring <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Will be to arrive where we started <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="background: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And know the place for the first time.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18px;"> from </span><a href="http://www.columbia.edu/itc/history/winter/w3206/edit/tseliotlittlegidding.html" style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 18px;" target="_blank">"Little Gidding,"</a><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18px;"> T. S. Eliot</span></div>
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<br />Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-79950132199475465352015-06-20T08:21:00.000-04:002015-06-20T15:07:56.487-04:00How Do You Start Again?<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Start what?</span></span><br />
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<a 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width="200" /></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">1. Dating after a messy breakup?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">2. School after several years working?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">3. Exercising after a sedentary period?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">4. Gardening after the winter?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> or - - um - - <i>shift feet nervously, bite lip -- </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">5. Blogging after a ten-month absence?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">There might be minor differences among these five items, but ultimately, the main thing is to start. Fall down. Get up slowly. Check for bruises. Heal. Start again. And again. Don't spend a second reading cheesy quotations about resilience. Just get started.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">And so I have.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">But first I checked a <a href="http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/15-tips-to-restart-the-exercise-habit-and-how-to-keep-it.html" target="_blank">cheesy website</a> about starting exercise after stopping. I wonder if their tips can be applied to blogging (or dating).</span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">1. Don't break the habit. <i>I'm only reading this because I did.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">2. Reward showing up. <i>Blogging is its own reward. It's a chance to consider new ideas, share, and sometimes begin new conversations.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">3. Commit for 30 days. <i>Excellent idea, and exactly the length of Ramadan.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">4. Make it fun. <i>Note: Fun is subjective. Thoughtful reflection can be massively fun.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">5. Schedule during quiet hours. <i>Essential for blogging. It's presently 6:30 a.m.</i></span></span><br />
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<a href="http://cache.johnchow.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/calendar-575x383.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cache.johnchow.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/calendar-575x383.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">6. Get a buddy. <i>Perhaps, as long as the buddy is also quietly writing. Read to each other before posting.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">7. X your calendar. <i>I can do that.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">8. Create a ritual. <i>I might have to do that, given my goal of writing for 30 days.</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">The rest of the 15 tips to restart an exercise routine don't seem relevant. I checked a </span><a href="http://hellogiggles.com/8-tips-to-start-dating-smart-from-a-girl-that-used-to-be-dumb-at-dating/" style="font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;" target="_blank">website </a><span style="font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">on how to start dating and the final rule was, "Be brave." Good advice for any endeavour.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">The main thing is to start again. And again. And again.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">How do you start again? Is there anything you do to help you get going?</span><br />
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-36680952829503439312014-08-25T14:05:00.000-04:002015-09-24T08:13:19.288-04:00Do You Have Too Much "Attitude"? What's That?<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Has anyone ever said this to you: Y</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">ou need to fix your attitude.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Your high school principal?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Your parents?</span><br />
<a href="http://res.cloudinary.com/ratebeer/image/upload/w_250,c_limit,q_85,d_beer_def.gif/beer_167139.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://res.cloudinary.com/ratebeer/image/upload/w_250,c_limit,q_85,d_beer_def.gif/beer_167139.jpg" height="320" width="208" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Your parole officer?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You look at them through slitted eyes, lips curled into a snarl, and think, <i>"If you weren't so disagreeable, I wouldn't have any attitude."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Or maybe you wonder, <i>"What does that mean? What attitude?"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They would like to tell you what they mean, but there is no way they can explain it clearly with you looking at them the way an electric knife looks at a Thanksgiving turkey.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They wish they could tell you how to change your attitude, but whatever they say next is pointless when no ear catches the meaning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Because when they say "you've got an attitude problem," they want you to realize that when you enter a room, your anger sneaks in ahead of you. <i>They think</i> that your life would be better if your humility, your curiosity, or your open heart preceded you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>You think</i> that your attitude has everything to do with the room you've entered and the people who are there. You think that they are judging you and trying to control you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In addition, you have every reason to be angry. You have been birthed into this world, merely a thinking monkey in clothes, bouncing around until you die.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But the attitude that precedes you into the room, your totally justifiable attitude that led someone to say you have it, is not going to get you what you need, unless you need enemies.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What they want to tell you is this: Something is preceding you into the room and while people want to help you, that thing is driving them away. It is yours. You can take a look at it and think about it. You can ask the other person to name a specific behaviour that led to the attitude comment. Indeed, you might not have attitude. The other person might be the malefactor. They might be projecting their own bad attitude onto you. I don't know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But if you are seeing a lot of anger and negativity around you, maybe you brought some of it with you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sadly, the people suffering from bad attitude often believe it is everyone else's fault. The hardest thing to do is see our own contribution to our unhappiness - but when we are able to see it, we can change our lives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Click <a href="http://ictscorp.com/2013/06/09/6-reasons-other-people-think-your-attitude-sucks/" target="_blank">here </a>for a few examples of specific bad attitude behaviours.</span></div>
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-86372404712805558082014-08-05T15:37:00.000-04:002014-11-25T13:54:58.495-05:00What Did You Learn about Yourself from Your Last Relationship? Part II<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">I've discussed this <a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2012/10/did-you-learn-anything-about-yourself.html" target="_blank">before</a> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">and will probably discuss it again.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Relationship are a great source of affection and companionship. Relationships help us to experience the depths and heights of love.</span></span><br />
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</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPpwHnrGM0WOnZuEOjzKGEibWyTKJPdTpTzv3Saac6pDV50KSfaEHBsY2nTR32_ipwVHkitkn5sFDzzJ9M9kfdqV963d-GSDPc1fYJNfooNk8VF-5f5AbgGjmTO_mq7KjaHDAgeHlWgM4/s1600/gay_couple_romancing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPpwHnrGM0WOnZuEOjzKGEibWyTKJPdTpTzv3Saac6pDV50KSfaEHBsY2nTR32_ipwVHkitkn5sFDzzJ9M9kfdqV963d-GSDPc1fYJNfooNk8VF-5f5AbgGjmTO_mq7KjaHDAgeHlWgM4/s200/gay_couple_romancing.jpg" height="200" width="181" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">At their best, relationships can create </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">a profound sense of belonging in the world and</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> feelings of connection that transcend the here and now.</span></span><br />
<a href="http://static.indianexpress.com/m-images/Wed%20Jun%2020%202012,%2009:35%20hrs/M_Id_295941_Couple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">At their worst, relati</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">onships help prepare us for our next relationship -- especially if we are reflective and able to assess our contribution to every stage of the relationship. After all, we were a co-participant.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><br /></span><span style="color: #2b2b2b;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">You don't need to break up to learn about yourself -- but the break-up lessons are vital and unique. A break-up is painful and you want to avoid the pain next time you venture into a love relationship. Often, though, we paddle headlong into the next cohabitation collaboration without pausing to reflect. We follow our heated heart and hope for the best.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Here's some things I learned about myself from past relationships:</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Lesson</u>: An emptiness caused by a lack of direction in<i> </i>my own life will not be filled by a relationship.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Resulting Action</u>: Find out what I want to do and do it.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Lesson</u>: A trip across the continent to get away from an unsatisfying relationship will not necessarily protect you from the next unsatisfying relationship.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Realization:</u> You don't have to leave town.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b><u>Lesson:</u></b> I can be a magnet for psychopaths because I tend to overlook bad behaviour.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b><u>Resulting Action:</u></b> Don't trust my own judgement. Screen for psychopathology. Ask my 50 closest friends about a potential romantic partner.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">I also learned that I'd rather be alone than be in an unequal or unsatisfying relationship. That was probably the best lesson. I had to learn to live without someone reflecting back my value. If I needed someone's love to feel worthy, then my value disappears when the relationship ends.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">What did you learn? About yourself? From your last relationship?</span><br />
<br />Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-46021778097958793252014-05-30T11:24:00.001-04:002014-05-30T14:46:11.223-04:00What's the Difference Between Secrecy and Privacy?<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b;">My friend </span><a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2013/10/does-it-get-any-easier-part-2.html" style="background-color: white;" target="_blank">John</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b;"> asked me to be the best man at his wedding to the beautiful Rachel. In my wedding speech, I talked about the top three things I learned from John. The last part of my speech went like this:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #2b2b2b;">I learned openness from John. He told me, "Before I do anything, I always ask myself, "Will I be able to tell Rachel?" </span>He wisely trusted Rachel's moral compass more than his own. That policy deepened their trust for one another and brought them closer.</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I continued:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was very impressed by John's statement and wanted to incorporate his policy into my own life. My husband, travels often and one may be inclined to exercise more freedom in a spouse's absence. If my temptations are not leading me in the direction of goodness, I always ask myself, "Will I be able to tell . . . Rachel?"</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I recalled this story when my friend, Raymond, in Vancouver wrote me this question, <span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-size: small;"><i>"D</i></span><i>o you feel like some element of secrecy is essential in most personal relationships?</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wrote back saying this:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Given human variety nothing is essential.</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Given human complexity, it is unlikely a shared experience is shared in exactly the same way that it occurs so there is always a privacy to experience – but privacy is not the same as secrecy.</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There is a mystery to each person that cannot be successfully explained through language, art, or actions. Our interpretation of one another is always coloured by our own expectations, beliefs, and experience. We might not want to share an experience because we know that it will not be seen through our eyes. We are more likely to share everything when we have an empathic connection to the other person and know we will not be immediately judged.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">1. Secrecy arises when you violate a previously agreed upon deal. Secrecy arises when no deal has been made, but you suspect there is an understanding of some sort that you do not subscribe to wholeheartedly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2. Secrecy can also be a stated preference of one of the partners, as in, "I'm more interested in what we do together than what you do when we're apart; so do whatever you like, just don't tell me."</span></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK31cohZKYYCXSzItBihjG8nBmYNoMv5RCCLUd8vAAoX9DorNCWT_R5klQP1_-3dglOpe25jTtfRelJDiRXARn8F0oseL7Zzoc0LT_lUTyRDVNUHLDDLjeq98-1oa7LmaoV4jAQekM2bSf/s1600/screen-shot-2012-11-20-at-8-10-59-am.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK31cohZKYYCXSzItBihjG8nBmYNoMv5RCCLUd8vAAoX9DorNCWT_R5klQP1_-3dglOpe25jTtfRelJDiRXARn8F0oseL7Zzoc0LT_lUTyRDVNUHLDDLjeq98-1oa7LmaoV4jAQekM2bSf/s320/screen-shot-2012-11-20-at-8-10-59-am.png" height="216" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The first kind of secrecy tends to be unhealthy and lead to more and more secrecy and deception. Note the lyrics to the Steve Goodman song "Lookin' for Trouble":</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; line-height: 22px;">The first time you shade the truth</span><br style="line-height: 22px;" /><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; line-height: 22px;">You want to run and hide</span><br style="line-height: 22px;" /><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; line-height: 22px;">Your tongue gets tied</span><br style="line-height: 22px;" /><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; line-height: 22px;">Your throat gets dry</span><br style="line-height: 22px;" /><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; line-height: 22px;">And you start thinkin' that maybe no one knows you lied</span><br style="line-height: 22px;" /><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; line-height: 22px;">And now you're shady all the time</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The second kind of secrecy can be frustrating if you want complete openness. Your partner, though, trusts you and respects your need for self-expression. You have to respect your partner's strategies for protecting his or her heart.</span><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My conclusion is this:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-size: small;">1. It seems healthy to strive for greater and greater degrees of authenticity in our own lives.</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-size: small;">2. Make agreements that you can live with. When you can no longer live within your agreement, speak up and deal with the consequences. Alternatively, remain silent and deal with the consequences. Relationships are hard. We all probably need to find our own blend of openness, privacy, and secrecy as we discover and rediscover ourselves and determine the best way to live our lives.</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Raymond and his partner are considering opening their relationship to include others from time to time. He wrote, "Am I wrong in wondering if this is a course that
most people in long-term relationships find themselves forced to
contemplate?"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s hard to know what most people do. I suspect that
<i>the more rigid</i> the rules of the
relationship, <i>the more secretive</i>
people become.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When you “open” a relationship in the direction of
endless possibility, you become aware of the dimensions of your
heart.</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It’s not for everyone.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">However, if you love someone, you are supportive of their
needs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You realize that your fears are </span><i>yours,</i> and you might need to face
them.</span></span></div>
</div>
Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-64008839332929477832014-04-20T17:59:00.003-04:002014-05-09T23:31:41.641-04:00Are You Reflective?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaRHn-Jet17WxCFdiNEER-FXnFRYOkjRcfNp52Hhoc_J0ADA8lmCnhPZUXR-GOlIIsL47jz0Q4rs_XIBIXJHa3IMO68NS1v93Nc3tRN5KNTuCR5goeQyXOQl69AL7Or1PsSJrPEXHBGdk/s1600/alligator-feeding-frenzy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaRHn-Jet17WxCFdiNEER-FXnFRYOkjRcfNp52Hhoc_J0ADA8lmCnhPZUXR-GOlIIsL47jz0Q4rs_XIBIXJHa3IMO68NS1v93Nc3tRN5KNTuCR5goeQyXOQl69AL7Or1PsSJrPEXHBGdk/s1600/alligator-feeding-frenzy.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My friend, a traveller and a poet, wrote me this: </span><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"We just got back from Savannah and the Okefenokee Swamp (three alligators).</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I replied, "Did the swamp make you thoughtful? Do alligators inspire poetry?"</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Or did you enjoy the face-to-face encounter with wilderness - without having to transform it into something else?</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Direct unmediated experience is valuable in and of itself. Direct unmediated experience is life itself.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">By unmediated, I mean without an intermediary -- no computer, no Twitter, no camera, no interpreter or guide, no priest or minister to stand between ourselves and the infinite. No words.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Many experiences are thrilling without reflection. For me, these include fireworks, baseball games, everyday bicycling, the Great Wall of China, the Grand Canyon, shooting stars, eclipses, earthquakes, and vistas beyond description. The experience itself can be entirely consuming and requires no reflection to be enjoyed.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://newyorksightseeingtours.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/nyc-fireworks2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://newyorksightseeingtours.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/nyc-fireworks2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<i><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Note: All these experiences can also be sources of reflection. For example, how much did the fireworks display cost? Is the cost from taxpayer money? Could that money be better spent training people or feeding people? How do the fireworks affect the environment?</span></span></i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The questions themselves can be interrogated. What is their point of view? How does the availability of certain words in a language make only some modes of asking available? As Paulo Freire says, "Language is never neutral." </span></span></i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I imagine, though, most people watch fireworks with gratitude, without questions.</span></span></i></blockquote>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Other experiences are enriched by the thoughtfulness that flows from them. Best of all there would be several people sharing their thoughtfulness.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For me, unless an art experience is itself <a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.ca/2011/07/what-is-transcendent-art-experience.html" target="_blank">transcendent</a> (filling me with joy or cathartic grief), I prefer a post-experience discussion.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I asked, "What did the alligators inspire in you?"</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My step-father, Berko Devor (of blessed memory) used to say, "Our lives should be 70% experience and 30% reflection. If those percentages are reversed, you would be a very boring person."</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I suspect my life is 70% reflection and 30% experience. I argued that reflection itself<i> is </i>experience, but he disagreed.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What is your experience/reflection ratio?</span>Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-87841983679978049562014-04-13T11:54:00.001-04:002014-04-13T11:55:36.116-04:00When Have You Felt the Most Free?On the eve of Passover, I turn my thoughts to questions of freedom.<br />
<br />
This year we will discuss this: "What does it mean to <i>be</i> free? Given the influence of family, culture, and society, are we free to make our own decisions?"<br />
<br />
I'm beginning to see freedom as more of a spectrum. It is not difficult to imagine slavery and oppression at one end of the spectrum. But the other end? What would it mean to be the most free?<br />
<br />
We still live in bodies. We are always a slave to oxygen and food and the many needs of the body.<br />
<br />
Since we are social animals, we prefer to live in the company of other humans. In order to keep them around, we must be pleasant and attentive - we lose our freedom to be unaccommodating. (If you want to keep people around you without being pleasant and attentive, you either have to pay them, enslave them, or in some places, marry them.)<br />
<br />
Asking "What is freedom?" or "What does it mean to be free?" leaves me swirling in definitions and interpretations from philosophy, psychology, and politics. It seems more concrete to look at some moments when I have felt free:<br />
<br />
Every day in July 2012, my back hurt. I treated myself with hot showers and yoga, but the pain continued. During a visit to Dale Alexander, a massage therapist, he readjusted something quite dramatically, and in an instant, the chronic pain was gone. I felt free of pain. I am always aware and appreciative of the times I am free of pain.<br />
<br />
In 2003, I moved to Toronto. I was busy with work and family, but I was a stranger in a strange land and felt out of place and unsettled; however, I had a bicycle. When little kids get their first bikes, the entire neighbourhood and beyond opens up to them. Perhaps they have their first taste of freedom. Maybe I was re-experiencing my childhood joy, or maybe it was the connection to the wind, sun, and street that a bicycle provides. I only know that whenever I was on my bike, I felt free and happy.<br />
<br />
I bought <i>Co-Dependent No More</i> on a whim one day in the 1980s, but never read it. However, during one period when I left a violent and substance-using spouse, I picked up the book again. Every word I read spoke to me. My situation was not unique. The slavery I felt, the inability to break free, was not unique. Ultimately, the book said, staying in the situation was not even helpful to the abusive spouse. To be really helpful to him, he needed to face the consequences of his unpleasantness. The heavy weight of my own beliefs lifted. I felt light and free and able to make changes in my life.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.askgodtoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/MosesCrossesRedSea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.askgodtoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/MosesCrossesRedSea.jpg" height="243" width="320" /></a>Perhaps the Israelites of <i>Exodus</i> felt something like that after crossing the Red Sea. Standing on the far shore, they looked back and saw the sea close behind them, crashing down on their oppressors.<br />
<br />
There were many problems ahead, but maybe for that moment, they felt the most free.<br />
<br />
When have you felt the most free?Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-72097271706804658212014-02-27T19:29:00.001-05:002014-03-11T15:57:50.964-04:00When Have You Felt Most Spiritual?<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">A couple of days ago, my buddy <a href="http://hubski.com/pub?id=136932" target="_blank">Steve</a> said he might create a podcast
about "religion as it relates to spirituality."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">He was interested in hearing people's feelings about religion, as long as no one debates the existence of God.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">I was rattled. I began contemplating questions of spirituality looking for an entrance to the topic. How do we talk about something so intangible?</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://20prospect.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/butterfly-display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://20prospect.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/butterfly-display.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Net Spirituality</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"></span>
</span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><i>What is spirituality?</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><i>What does it mean to be spiritual?</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><i>What is the spirit?</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><i><br /></i></span>
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">These questions led me nowhere -- at least nowhere sufficient. Answering those questions would be like capturing spirituality in a butterfly net and pinning it into a display case.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">As I explored the topic, I discovered that every attempt to explain or define spirituality involved words that were undefinable. "</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">Spiritual" led me to "peak experience" which led me to this definition on Wikipedia:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span>
<b>"Peak experience</b> is a kind of transpersonal and ecstatic state, particularly one tinged with themes of euphoria, harmonization and interconnectedness. Participants characterize these experiences, and the revelations imparted therein, as possessing an ineffably mystical and spiritual (or overtly religious) quality or essence.<br />
<br />
<b>"Transpersonal</b> is an experience in which the sense of identity or self extends beyond the individual or personal to encompass wider aspects of humankind, life, psyche, or cosmos."<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">We might get closer to understanding spirituality if a variety of people answered this question: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">When did you feel most spiritual?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">Was it spiritual when I imagined that I was deeply in love with another human? At times, I was in an altered and ecstatic state. At other times, in the presence of the lover, I felt peace, harmony, and rightness. Once I looked in a lover's eyes and I saw my future unfold, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">but I would not describe those times as spiritual. Those times were rooted in a physical present and full of contingency. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span>
<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a0/Blitze_IMGP6376_wp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a0/Blitze_IMGP6376_wp.jpg" height="252" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="background-color: white;">Perhaps I could say I felt a spiritual awe when I was faced with raw nature:</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"> - an earthquake in Vancouver -- the explosive bang, the earth moving</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"> - a rainstorm in north Ontario when sheets of lightning filled the night sky for hours</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"> - the view from the top of Squamish Chief</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"> - the sunrise -- any sunrise</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">Those experiences bring me closer to a sense of spirituality. I am conscious of this magnificence, but have no part in creating it. It is bigger than me and goes on regardless of my presence. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">Just as the creations of nature fill me with a spiritual awe, so do some human creations -- what I have called transcendent art. As I wrote in an <a href="http://lilblume.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-is-transcendent-art-experience.html" target="_blank">earlier post</a>, these creations took me beyond myself, outside of time.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">I also feel spiritual when I participate in family rituals. In my case, some of these are Jewish rituals. Once a year, I sit with my family and talk about slavery and freedom. It's a moving spiritual experience because, in doing so, we are participating in a ritual that has been passed on from generation to generation since Biblical times. I imagine our way of telling stories and singing union songs is unique to our family, but the motive, the spirit, and many of the rituals are the same as they have always been. I am present and bring my perspectives, but it is not about me and it is not about any other family member. It is about human history.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">My examples are not far off from the definitions of "peak experience" and "transpersonal." For me, feeling spiritual involves connection with </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">nature, creativity, and </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">other people past and present.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">However, I find that, more and more, I crave silence, emptiness, and stillness. Only then can I hear my own wondering, creative spirit. My spirit voice speaks in a whisper -- it is hard to hear her when I'm surrounded by noise.</span></div>
Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-5917599876379741852014-02-21T12:50:00.001-05:002014-05-13T19:34:39.262-04:00Who's the Crazy One?<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.15999984741211px; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">My friend XX is in therapy and feeling much better overall. In one discussion with her therapist, she said,</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Cae1rtz4mUc/UQGRRqX33sI/AAAAAAAAAPY/CXTENz6uXwA/s1600/am+I+crazy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Cae1rtz4mUc/UQGRRqX33sI/AAAAAAAAAPY/CXTENz6uXwA/s320/am+I+crazy.jpg" /></a><span style="color: #073763; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">When I tell you how crazy my family is, I feel bad. I think, 'Who am <i>I</i> to be judging <i>them</i>?' They are probably saying that <i>I'm</i> the crazy one.</span></blockquote>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.15999984741211px; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">Her question seems to be, "How do I know that my perception and judgements of sanity are reliable and fair?" </span></div>
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<span style="color: #073763; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">Her therapist said,</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">The fact that you're wondering is a good sign that you are able to see a perspective other than your own. You can see more than one possible interpretation. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #073763; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 17.15999984741211px;">People with personality disorders often think that there is nothing wrong with them. Everyone else is crazy or stupid or evil. Your ability to ask -- is it me or them -- suggests that it is <i>not</i> you. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #073763; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 17.15999984741211px;">Meanwhile, the crazy person <b>knows with absolute certainty</b> that it is everyone else.</span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #073763; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.15999984741211px;">DISCLAIMER: My friend and I used the word "crazy" -- and in the context of our friendship and understanding of one another, we knew what we meant. I would not casually use that word as it has far too many meanings.</span><br />
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5701267910813474066.post-62156489065463007842014-02-15T14:04:00.001-05:002017-03-18T20:40:07.805-04:00Wither Shakespeare? Part X: What's the Difference Between Tragedy and Comedy in Shakespeare?<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">When I was studying literature in university, we told this joke: What's the difference between tragedy and comedy in Shakespeare?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">1. Tragedies are longer;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">2. At the end of a tragedy, there are more bodies lying dead on the stage than standing; and</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">3. Comedies end with a wedding. Tragedies start with one.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">The joke was obviously a warning, but I began to wonder:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b>Are these statements true?</b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b>Yes, tragedies are generally longer:</b></span><br />
<ol style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana; line-height: 18px; margin: 1.5em 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: inherit; z-index: 0;">
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><i>Hamlet The longest of all of Shakespeare's plays at 4024 lines. TRAGEDY</i></li>
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><i>Coriolanus The second longest at 3824 lines. TRAGEDY</i></li>
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><i>Cymbeline The third longest: "Tragedy looms but never strikes."</i></li>
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><i>Richard III The fourth longest HISTORICAL TRAGEDY</i></li>
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><i>Anto</i><i style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">ny and Cleopatra The fifth longest TRAGEDY</i></li>
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><i>Othello The sixth longest TRAGEDY</i></li>
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><i>King Lear The seventh longest TRAGEDY</i></li>
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><i>Romeo and Juliet is still in the top 50% of longest.</i></li>
<li style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-type: decimal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">However</span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">, </span><i style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">Macbeth, Julius Caesar, Timon of </i><st1:city style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: italic; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;" w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Athens</st1:place></st1:city><i style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">,</i><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">and</span><i style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> </i><i style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;">Titus Andronicus</i><i style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-decoration: inherit;"> are among the shortest.</i></li>
</ol>
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<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"></b><br />
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<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">A tragedy ends with more bodies dead on stage than standing? </b><br />
<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"></b><br />
<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"></b>
<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">This probably refers to Hamlet, more than any of the other plays.</b><br />
<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><br /></b>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Of the characters in Hamlet who had spoken lines, the only one left alive at the end is Horatio. Fortinbras arrives to see the bodies of Hamlet, Claudius, Laertes, and Gertrude. Every other important character in the play, including Polonius and Ophelia are already dead.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">I'd rephrase difference #2 like this: Tragedies end with much death and often have death and murder throughout. I would add </span><br />
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" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cordelia dead</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<ul>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">the more sympathy you have for a character, the more likely that character dies at the end</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">both the good guys and the bad guys die violent deaths (Macbeth, Othello, Richard III)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">and if your name is the title of a Shakespearean tragedy, you will be dead by the end; if your name shares the title one or both of you will be dead.</span></li>
</ul>
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<div>
<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><br /></b></b></div>
<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">
A comedy ends with a wedding?</b><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b>A lot of comedies start with longing.</b></span><b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"></b></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Lucentio upon first seeing Bianca:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">I burn, I pine, I perish, Tranio, </span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">If I achieve not this young modest girl</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> - <i>The Taming of the Shrew </i>Act 1, Scene 1</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Hermia, upon hearing that her father is forcing her to marry Demetrius:</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I would my father look'd but with my eyes.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> - </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">A Midsummer Night's Dream, </i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Act 1, Scene 1</span></div>
<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj02wKPXl48M-6nldq3YquDXFpj70lCv0IR37GEWwcHtBcsBQnQt5Wblx6MCgNKZSopKFznVR3X1J7LxJyp_wzNAnlmPR73lXbSk8U_cuJQNMP8Z1ABt0vTvXtScTkTuWl6xkGdqxiyc-M/s1600/Picture2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj02wKPXl48M-6nldq3YquDXFpj70lCv0IR37GEWwcHtBcsBQnQt5Wblx6MCgNKZSopKFznVR3X1J7LxJyp_wzNAnlmPR73lXbSk8U_cuJQNMP8Z1ABt0vTvXtScTkTuWl6xkGdqxiyc-M/s320/Picture2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Orsino in love</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">The Duke, Orsino:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">. . . when mine eyes did see Olivia first,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Methought she purged the air of pestilence! </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">That instant was I turn'd into a hart;</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">E'er since pursue me.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> - Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 1</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">A wedding at the end relieves this longing at least for some of the characters:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Come, Kate, we'll to bed</span></span> </span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We three are married, but you two are sped. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> - Petruccio, The Taming of the Shrew Act 5, Scene 2 </span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">And yes, many of the comedies, and even the problem plays and romances, end with a wedding or at least permission for the lovers to marry. These include </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">As You Like It, Twelfth Night, Love's Labours Lost, Much Ado About Nothing, </i><i style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">The Taming of the Shrew, The Two Gentlemen of Verona, The Tempest </i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">and others. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Some of these marriage scenes show an awareness of a dark side to marriage. </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">The Merchant of Venice</i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> suggests some tension between Lorenzo and Jessica</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> and two of the three newly married couples at the end of</span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">The Taming of the Shrew</i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> already have issues.</span></div>
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<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">A tragedy starts with a wedding?</b><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5701267910813474066" name="1.1.24"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b>Hamlet</b> begins with the wedding of Hamlet's mother, Gertrude, and his father's murderer, Uncle Claudius.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b>Othello</b> begins with Brabantio, a Venetian senator, discovering that his daughter has eloped with Othello. Iago puts it somewhat more graphically:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms";"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am
one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and
the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><b>Macbeth </b>does not start with a wedding. It starts with a gaggle of witches, news of a battle, then more witches. However, not long into Act I, we meet Lady Macbeth and soon after we see Macbeth and his wife together. We see a married couple in a conversation about their future.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">By the end of Scene 2, <b>Richard III, </b>our title character, has won Lady Anne's agreement to marry him. She is mourning her husband and husband's father, both killed by Richard, who says triumphantly:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Was ever woman in this humour woo'd?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Was ever woman in this humour won? <span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span></span> </span><br />
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<b style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">King Lear </b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">divides his kingdom between two of his daughters. The third, Cordelia, who would not play the game of lying to their father, is quickly married off to the King of France.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">By Scene 2 of <b>Romeo and Juliet, </b>we meet Paris who is seeking Capulet's permission to marry his daughter. From then on, it's all talk of marriage. By Act 2, Scene 4, Friar Lawrence leads Romeo and Juliet off to officially marry them. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">I conclude that the joke is mostly true.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">When you're hooked on Shakespeare, you love both tragedy and comedy. Both have wit and wisdom, joy and sadness, heroes, heroines, and villains, and characters with many dimensions to inform our lives.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">What's the difference between tragedy and comedy in life?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Perhaps only time.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms";"><span style="line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">As author Charles Yu says, "Time is a machine that turns pain into experience," </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "comic sans ms"; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">and if you wait long enough, tragedy into comedy.</span></div>
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Lil Blumehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12590816428802923708noreply@blogger.com0